2022 started out much like any other year, full of hopes, dreams and plans to make this a great year. While that hasn’t changed over the course of the year many things have. Let me preface this by saying that any information or resources I link are not saying I am an expert or giving any kind of medical advice. If you feel like you have a mental health issue you should always reach out to your own doctor.
I found myself unable to write and connect with my creativity for much of the first quarter of the year. I was stressed out and dealing with my hand in so many plates that I was forgetting to take care of not only myself but also small important tasks, like getting the car maintained or calling my sister. So by the end of the first quarter I had been to my doctor 3-4 times, medications were changed, doses adjusted, the only available therapist also quit.
At that time I realized I needed to take a step back, regroup, focus on my health and do what was right for me. I stopped my live streams, backed down my participation online and focused on what brought me joy and calmness. I will be honest, it wasn’t much, I was sleeping either all the time or not at all.
At my lowest point, about mid Q2, I had serious thoughts about suicide. It seemed like everything around me was better, I had a job, I had written a 0 draft of my current WIP and yet, my life held no joy for me. I was planning on how I could end my life. I felt as if I were living my life looking through a fog. I could see everything happening around me and yet I wasn’t really there.
My doctor suggested I check myself into the hospital, I refused. I didn’t want to admit that I really needed to be admitted. I thought it would be a disappointment to my family, an embarrassment to my kids, and a failure on my part to admit that I needed that level of help.
We have been taught to believe that mental illness should be hidden, but it shouldn’t. It is important and relevant to so many people out there. I never admitted myself to the hospital, I am lucky enough to have a family and an amazing group of friends as a support system to help me through the worst of times.
As we near the last quarter of the year, I am in a much better place. I am actively working on a revision draft for my debut novel. I am working with amazing people in the writing community and most of all. I feel connected to my family, my friends, my work and my life.
I guess some of you might be wondering why I would put all this out there for other people to read, judge, troll, whatever. Let them. Because while they might disagree, berate my choice or even send me nasty messages. There is someone out there who will read this and connect to it and know that there is help available. They are not alone in their struggle. That makes all the nastiness in this world worth putting it out there.
If you feel like you need to talk to someone please reach out to a friend or family member, someone you trust. IF you don’t feel like you have someone you can talk to then there are places you can go. Any local hospital will help you if you walk in and tell them you are feeling suicidal, they will get you resources. Reach out to your doctor and communicate with them EXACTLY how you feel.
But above all that remember you are not alone, you are not unwanted, unloved, uncared about or invisible. Someone sees you, someone wants you, and even if I don’t know you, I care. I want you to be in a place of health.
About Brandy
I am an aspiring author working on my first romance novel. When I am not writing, I am creating social media graphics for On The Wings for Writers discord server. I enjoy being part of the active and supportive community on the server. I have lived in Central Missouri my whole life and live with my husband and our two children. We also have four super crazy cats. I have always wanted to tell stories, ever since I was a teenager, but never really knew how to get started. It has taken me a couple of years to figure out what I actually want to write and start getting it down on paper (so to speak). I hope to have my debut novel out this fall or winter and another shortly after that. Bios always confuse me because I never know how much I should share, but I love to connect and meet new people so you can find me on Facebook and Instagram as brandybullockauthor or in discord.
Also the co-owner of ACM Authorworks Creative Mastermind group
and
The Writing Buddy Program
Owner of Starlight Fairie Design Company
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